Season Three, Episode One: “BLUE STORM RISING”
TRANSCRIPT
INT. CLANDESTINE NAVAL CRUISER - NO DEFINITE TIME
Skip shivers. A door opens and an AGENT enters.
AGENT
Pat sent me.
SKIP
Where’s McGrath is she all right? Where’s Bowden and Gloria?
AGENT
They’re safe and being debriefed separately.
SKIP
Can I see them?
AGENT
No. Everything has been breached -
SKIP
I WANT TO SEE MY TEAM. NOW.
AGENT
...how did you escape from the volcano island, Agent Granger?
Skip shudders. And the Admiral’s laughter swells in his mind, as he remembers...
FLASHBACK - SECONDS AFTER THE LAST SEASON ENDED
Near the ruined altar, Skip, Chet and the others struggle to get free from the Admiral’s goons.
ADMIRAL
Oceanologists of the world unite! The time of Zeerox is at hand!
ATHENA
Well, here’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into, Chetty.
SKIP
Keep calm, everyone! There’s still a chance! McGrath is free! She’s quick, she’s resourceful -
THUMP.
ZELDA
She’s unconscious...
BOWDEN
LEX? What did you do to McGrath?
LEX
She wouldn’t become one with the ocean, so I, like, made her skull become one with a two by four?
GLORIA
My God! Lex has been brainwashed!
ADMIRAL
You mean enlightened! Along with the billions of viewers tuned in to this broadcast! Now the new age can truly begin! I -
But the Admiral is interrupted...by Chet’s laughter.
SKIP
Uh...Chet?
CHET
BRAVO, ADMIRAL!
ADMIRAL
Wh...well....thank you, Mister Doe!
CHET
You snowed me for an entire year! Everywhere I dragged you, you were consorting with Oceanologist spies to set this up, weren’t you?
ADMIRAL
Bingo!
CHET
You maneuvered Athena right into this wedding and this broadcast -
ATHENA
Hey! I was...distracted!
CHET
completely bamboozled the EMF -
QUINN
Not a real challenge.
CHET
and brought the world to its knees! What a plan!
ADMIRAL
Your admiration sends my heart soaring, Mister Doe!
A CLICK, and an ominous WHINE.
CHET
You left me with absolutely nothing to live for.
BEEP. A DISTANT ROAR.
SKIP
Phillips! What did you just do?
CHET
I swiped the keys to Prescott’s Stratofortress. He parked it five minutes off the coast. I just fired fifty missiles at this island.
EVERYONE EXCEPT CHET
WHAT?
CHET
When they hit and destabilize the volcano’s lithostatic pressure, it’ll rip the top off this mountain like a sabered champagne bottle.
ADMIRAL
...welllll I must be off let’s go Lucky!
A HELICOPTER rises above the lip of the volcano!
LUCKY
All aboard!
BALTHAZAR
Wait for me!
LEX
FML!
All the villains and goons panic and push their way towards the helicopter! Athena pulls a knife.
ATHENA
New plan, dad! We stab the Admiral in the face and take his helicopter!
KRISTATOS
Right behind you, sweetheart.
Chet tries to follow, but the WHOLE WEDDING STAFF gets in his way! He starts pummeling them all!
CHET
Out of my way!
CATERER S. DEAR
Mr. Phillips, I know this is an inopportune moment, but I really need to know who’s going to pay the catering bill!
CHET
YOU’RE ALL DEAD IF YOU DON’T RUN!
CATERER S. DEAR
BUT YOU ORDERED THE WALLACE GRAND BAROQUE FLATWARE!
SKIP
Wait Chet!
CHET
Skip! I have to ground that helicopter and I need your help!
SKIP
Just tell me what to do, Agent Philips!
CHET
Hey everyone! This is my best man, he’s got the petty cash!
SKIP
Wait AAHHH
The mob comes for Skip, and Chet runs for the helicopter.
CHET
Save as many as you can, Granger!
SKIP
No I don’t have change! Just follow me and hold onto your receipts!
Gloria and the others push their way through the crowd.
GLORIA
Skip there’s no way off this volcano! The cliff is too sheer!
SKIP
If only we could glide down! If we had some kind of long sturdy base with a billowy fabric top -
CATERER S. DEAR
Will you please pay for the buffet table with the add-on parachute?
SKIP
THAT’S IT!
CATERER S. DEAR
That’s what.
ZELDA
Head for the chocolate fountain!
ARCHIE
That’s the only reason I go to any wedding!
SKIP
Quick everyone! Gloria help me with McGrath!
CATERER S. DEAR
What are you doing with my table? That’s a rental!
SKIP
It’s being commandeered by the United States government, citizen!
CATERER S. DEAR
Worst wedding ever!
QUINN
Wait where’s Chet?
BOWDEN
He’s fighting the Admiral on board the helicopter!
QUINN
I’ll go help -
SKIP
No! Let Chet handle the Admiral! Chet Phillips will not fail again.
QUINN
You’d better be right.
SKIP
Okay everyone lift!
Grunting as everyone LIFTS the TABLE.
CATERER S. DEAR
I should’ve flipped for the lightweight prestige model!
SKIP
And JUUUUMMP!
Everyone LEAPS OFF THE LIP OF THE VOLCANO!
THE MISSILES HIT! The VOLCANO ERUPTS! TUMBLING ROCKS, and SCREAMS, and then a SPLASH DOWN IN THE OCEAN!
Skip splutters and hangs on to a piece of flotsam.
MCGRATH (groggy)
...Skip? Where the hell are we?
SKIP
We’re safe McGrath. I got you. I’m not letting you go.
FLASH FORWARD TO...
SKIP
...you picked us up an hour later. The Admiral has now billions of people under his sway - unless Chet Phillips managed to bring down that helicopter.
AGENT
...moments after you were rescued we received this distressing video.
Click. The sound of helicopter rotors.
LUCKY (ON TAPE)
We’re recording! I think. It’s all smoodgy.
LEX (ON TAPE)
You, like, have your thumb over the lens?
BALTHAZAR (ON TAPE)
Oh for god’s sake, let an industry professional make this recording! And...action.
The Admiral seems grimmer than usual.
ADMIRAL (ON TAPE)
I am currently hovering over my volcano, looking at the wreckage of my well-laid plans, due to the interference of Special Agent Chet Phillips. Were it not for my quick thinking, and my ability to subdue my opponents with my patent leather shoes, he might have prevented our escape entirely.
Lucky and Lex drag Chet and Athena over.
SKIP
Chet?
CHET (ON TAPE)
Easy does it, Lex.
ATHENA (ON TAPE)
C’mon, Admiral, I wasn’t even with this guy! What’s a little attempted stabbing between old friends?
ADMIRAL (ON TAPE)
SILENCE! So, to my newfound loyalists within the intelligence community and halls of power you must purge your institutions of rot, lest they strike at your heel. And as for you, Skip Granger -
SKIP
Oh no.
ADMIRAL (ON TAPE)
let there be a mark on your head, and the heads of your friends. You will have no safe quarter. And when we find you...your fate will be the same as Chet Phillips.
The helicopter door opens.
SKIP
Chet!
CHET (ON TAPE)
Watch your back, Skip.
ADMIRAL (ON TAPE)
Adieu, Mister Doe.
CHET (Falling from copter)
Ahhhhhh!
SKIP
NO!
ATHENA (ON TAPE)
Hey wait a minute -
KRISTATOS (ON TAPE)
ATHENA!!
ATHENA (Falling from copter)
Craaaaaaaap!
The Agent clicks off the video.
AGENT
For your own safety, you’ll be put into identity protection -
SKIP
I don’t want to hide! If we’re in danger, I demand the resources to find the Admiral and stop him!
AGENT
I’m sorry, Agent Granger. Rejected.
THE OPENING MUSIC SWELLS!
MISSION VOICE
Mission: Rejected. The story of the world’s most secret agents - the backups. Tonight’s episode: Blue Storm Rising.
INT. VEHICLE - DAY
The low hum of the road.
SKIP
Cuphead? This is Mugman. Did you put in an Amazon order for eggs?
MCGRATH
Skip, the doors to the briefing room got buried when the EMF building collapsed six months ago. So can we please knock it off with the code phrases?
SKIP
Strict adherence to protocol is all that stands between us and death! Wait. Gotta go Mugman. I see my contact, call you back.
Skip hangs up. He parks, and the door opens.
SKIP
Hi! Thank you for choosing Unter, the socially responsible alternative to Uber!
The passenger gets in and closes the door.
THE PLEASANTEST WOMAN
Thanks, you’re a life saver!
SKIP
Not a problem, Ms. Frank! Unter will deliver you to the airport by 9:36!
THE PLEASANTEST WOMAN
Wow! Such accuracy!
SKIP
Unter’s guidelines state that your driver should be punctual, cheerful, and knowledgeable, Ms. Frank! Anything I can do to make your drive more pleasant -
THE PLEASANTEST WOMAN
Would you please turn on the radio? It’s nine o’clock! Don’t wanna miss this morning’s Seaside Chat!
SKIP
(sigh)...yes ma’am.
He turns on the radio. BALTHAZAR MONTCRIEF SINGS A HYMN:
BALTHAZAR (SINGING, ON THE RADIO)
Oceanology unbound!!
ADMIRAL (ON THE RADIO)
Thank you, Mister Montcrief! And salutations, my fellow Earthlings! Become one with the ocean!
THE PLEASANTEST WOMAN
Become one with the ocean!
SKIP
Bermmwmmwthuoshmmm.
ADMIRAL (ON THE RADIO)
Our reports show that the number of faithful Oceanologists has now swelled to fifty one percent of the human race! We have done it! We are now the majority!
THE PLEASANTEST WOMAN
That’s incredible!
SKIP
Sure is.
TIME LAPSE. Skip picks up another passenger.
PASSENGER 2
Hey, thanks for the ride!
SKIP
Thank you for choosing Unter, the socially responsible alternative to Uber!
PASSENGER 2
Become one with the ocean.
TIME LAPSE
PASSENGER 3
Oh, is that The Admiral? Please turn it up.
TIME LAPSE
SKIP (dead inside)
Thank you for choosing Unter, the socially responsible alternative to Uber! Oh boy. The next person who gets in this car better be an atheist.
(The door opens.)
MISSION VOICE
Good evening, Agent Granger.
SKIP
Whh - YOU? Close the door!
(he does)
How did you recognize me with my SnapFace mask? And don’t call me Granger, I changed my name!
MISSION VOICE
Did you? I didn’t have to.
SKIP
Nobody knows your name!
MISSION VOICE
Details.
SKIP
What are you doing here?
MISSION VOICE
My new employer wanted to offer you an opportunity.
The Mission Voice activates a communicator. A sinister voice speaks, modulated to a deep basso profundo:
REYNARD MULDRAKE
Is this Skip Granger?
SKIP
No! It’s Ken Anderson, got it?
REYNARD MULDRAKE
Whatever. My name is Reynard Muldrake, and I need help from the EMF.
SKIP
There is no EMF anymore! We’ve had no contact with each other, for our own safety!
REYNARD MULDRAKE
You moved in with an ex-teammate who lets the vegetables rot in the crisper.
SKIP
We had already paid the security deposit! Besides, she never leaves the apartment. I mean, she’s on the computer 24/7 and the lack of human contact and Vitamin D can’t be healthy but still -
REYNARD MULDRAKE
Maybe I can help. How would you two like to take down the Ocean Bureau, and save the world?
SKIP
Sir, ma’am, or your preferred gender pronoun, let me be clear - my friends and I are the number one targets of the Ocean Bureau. If you were a friendly in American intelligence, the Oceanologists would have found and silenced you by now.
REYNARD MULDRAKE
Oh I’m not in America. I’m set up down south where the sun’s always shining.
SKIP
Who are you, Muldrake?
REYNARD MULDRAKE
I’m a person who recognizes the existential threat the Admiral represents to humanity. And you’re the man who’s going to help me take him down. So are you in?
SKIP
...okay. I’m in.
INTERIM MUSIC INTO SKIP AND MCGRATH’S APARTMENT
McGrath rustles a piece of paper on the refrigerator.
MCGRATH
Order groceries...fix toilet... initiate Operation Pipe Cleaner? He wrote it on the to-do list?
The key turns in the door.
MCGRATH
Skip? Did this Muldrake character ask you to keep detailed logs of the illicit activities we do for them, or was that your own idea and why am I even asking that.
SKIP
Not now, McGrath, we’ve got company!
Skip enters with the LANDLORD and LANDLADY.
LANDLADY
Well, what kinda landlords would we be, leaving you without a working toilet?
LANDLORD
Heydjasee I upgraded your ice cube maker? Now it makes snowballs, too!
SKIP
Mister and Mrs. Hooper, we appreciate all of the little, uh, improvements you make, but we have some very important guests coming -
MCGRATH
and we already called a plumber.
LANDLORD
Oh no no. Plumbers take one look at these talking toilets and run for the hills. They’re putting computers in everything, y’know.
LANDLADY
Our car was Bluetoothing our toaster the other day. And they’re not even married!
LANDLORD
We’ll have that toilet talking in ten minutes, tops!
SKIP
No don’t -
The landlords head into the bathroom.
MCGRATH
They better get outta here. We have crimes to do.
SKIP
We’re not doing crimes!
MCGRATH
Don’t take this away from me. I am very excited to introduce you to doing crimes.
TOILET
Thank you, Mister Looper!
LANDLORD
That’s Hooper!
KNOCK AT THE DOOR
SKIP
Oh jeez! Okay I’ll keep them quiet just let everybody in! And follow protocol! So! Mr. and Mrs. Hooper -
Skip slams the door to the bathroom. Another KNOCK.
MCGRATH
Who is it?
ZELDA (OUTSIDE)
You called for a plumber.
MCGRATH
Well, if you really are a plumber - when Samuel L. Jackson went on vacation, why couldn’t he unclog his hotel room’s sink pipes?
ZELDA (OUTSIDE)
Ms. McGrath, are you asking me for a pass phrase? I can see a camera trained on me. You know who it is.
MCGRATH
None of this answers my question: why couldn’t Samuel L. Jackson unclog those pipes?
ZELDA (OUTSIDE)
...because he left his snakes on the plane.
MCGRATH
Come in. It’s not locked.
The door opens.
ZELDA
Are you kidding me?
MCGRATH
Great to see you, Z! Why are dressed like a mailman?
Zelda sets a device on the counter and pushes a button: the familar beeps and bloops of the EMF computers sound.
MCGRATH
Ooo a signal dampener. Guess Pat still gives you the best toys for your birthday.
ZELDA
I haven’t seen Pat in months.
MCGRATH
What?
ZELDA
Unlike you two, Pat and I are not willing to risk each other’s safety. And I’m dressed like a mailroom clerk, because that’s my cover at the FBI field office.
MCGRATH
Seriously?
ZELDA
It is the only way I can remain close to the intelligence game.
The door opens and SLAMS.
SKIP
-just please don’t talk...Zelda! I was just talking to my talking toilet! Which talks too much!
ZELDA
Skip. This had better be life-or-death. Has someone compromised you?
SKIP
Ah...wellll...now you have. Now that you’ve entered our apartment.
ZELDA
I can’t be seen here. I still don’t like you two living together, but three of us is an insane risk.
SKIP
I suppose you’re going to hate four of us?
The door opens.
BOWDEN
Just tell Quentin I’ll call him. I’m at this audition and it’s super hush hush, my hunch is it’s Marvel, so give me a.... GREAT SCOTT.
SKIP
Hi Bowden!
BOWDEN
I’M FINE GARY I’LL CALL YOU BACK.
MCGRATH
Hey Bowden.
BOWDEN
No. No. No.
MCGRATH
I liked your movie with Margot Robbie.
BOWDEN
Do not attempt to butter me up McGrath! My agent said this was an audition.
MCGRATH
You’ll be happy to know I really committed to the part of an aspiring show runner.
BOWDEN
E tu, Zelda?
ZELDA
I think we’ve both been snookered, Bowden.
BOWDEN
Skip, whatever it is, I’d love to help, but my career is finally taking off and I’m walking a very delicate tightrope in LA.
ZELDA
Let’s go, Bowden. I’ve got a sanitized car outside.
BOWDEN
Perfect. Skip, McGrath, I’m sorry but I’m leaving before this gets dangerous.
SMASH! The window SHATTERS! A helicopter whirrs nearby! Someone rappels into the room!
EVERYONE IN THE ROOM
AAAAAAA
GLORIA
On the floor, scumbags! Don’t make me shoot off your earlobes - Skip?
SKIP
Hi Gloria!
GLORIA
Ms. McGrath?
MCGRATH
Sup, killer.
GLORIA
Zelda?
ZELDA
Afternoon, Agent Kovack.
GLORIA
And...oh uh
BOWDEN
Uh
GLORIA
Uh. Hi! Really great to see everyone again! Sorry about the mess. Oh shoot! I better tell my team to stand down before they -
SMASH.
EVERYBODY
AAAAAA
JAMBO
BATTLE ROAR!
QUINN
Freeze...oh god, you morons again?
GLORIA
Quinn, Jambo, it’s okay! Fall back!
JAMBO
Roger that, boss. Emile! Delta-two flight pattern!
MCGRATH
Your skink is flying the helicopter?
GLORIA (sotto voce)
It’s on autopilot. We let Emile ride on the dashboard.
JAMBO
Three more missions and he gets his aviator cap.
QUINN
Let’s go. Let Kovack have her class reunion or whatever.
They rappel back out.
MCGRATH
Don't worry you guys, it's Skip's week to vacuum.
SKIP
I think it's always my week to vaccum.
MCGRATH
Good to see you Gloria. It was tough tracking you down.
BOWDEN
You must be doing an amazing job as a soldier-of-fortune - since we last saw each other, I haven’t heard any sign of your existence!
GLORIA
Oh, you’re sweet.
BOWDEN
Uh - so! Skip! Why have you jeopardized our safety by luring us here under false pretenses?
GLORIA
I mean, I’m a mercenary-for-hire. You could have just hired me.
SKIP
Gloria, I’m surprised at you! You know it’s not EMF protocol to contact lapsed agents without a thoroughly researched backstory!
ZELDA
THERE IS NO EMF, SKIP. The powers-that-be disbanded us, our headquarters was destroyed -
SKIP
The EMF is not a building! It is a way of life, a code of conduct, a code outlined clearly in the EMF Handbook, of which I own the only surviving copy!
GLORIA
Skip, where did you get the handbook?
BOWDEN
It’s got rubble on it.
ZELDA
Did you comb through the ruins of the office to rescue this book?
SKIP
I also may have saved my file folders.
GLORIA
That’s...a little neurotic, even for you, Skip.
MCGRATH
Try living with it. He’s gotten super weird -
BOWDEN
McGrath are you using refrigerator poetry word magnets to write a regency romance novel called “Difference Engines of Love?”
MCGRATH
Fine, we’re a little stir crazy! We haven’t seen anybody, I haven’t left the apartment in months, and Skip only goes out in a mask!
ZELDA
You’re keeping us all safe and we appreciate it. Don’t blow it now.
SKIP
Zelda, I have taken every precaution to make absolutely sure that no one has seen us together!
The bathroom door opens.
LANDLADY
Hi everyone! Mister Anderson, while we’re in there, we’re gonna pop on that variable speed bidet I told ya about! Sorry for interrupting folks!
Slam. Silence.
ZELDA
Let’s go.
BOWDEN
I’m coming with you.
GLORIA
Great to see you guys!
SKIP
I KNOW WHERE THE ADMIRAL BROADCASTS THE SEASIDE CHATS FROM!
Silence.
ZELDA
All right. If you have intel, I can try to smuggle it to Pat somehow.
MCGRATH
You expect us to trust the CIA?
ZELDA
I’ve missed your paranoia, McGrath -
MCGRATH
The Admiral’s signal converted fifty percent of the population to Oceanology. Fifty percent of all doctors, lawyers, trash collectors, micro-brewers, and CIA operatives want us dead. That’s not paranoia.
GLORIA
Skip who gave you this information?
SKIP
They go by the name of Reynard Muldrake. They know about the events on the volcano base, and that our team wasn’t exposed to the wedding broadcast signal.
BOWDEN
And what does this person want with us? I cannot be seen getting back into the spy game!
SKIP
Just a small incursion, Bowden! Nobody will ever know you did it!
KNOCK KNOCK
ZELDA
DAMMIT SKIP!
LANDLORD (OFF)
Is that the plumber? Cause maybe you do need one now.
SKIP
Yes Mister Hooper don’t worry! It’s just the plumber.
Skip opens the door.
JOE THE PLUMBER
Hiya, folks.
BOWDEN
Joe?
GLORIA
The Plumber?
JOE THE PLUMBER
Good to see alla yous guys! I was real excited to hear you were putting the band back together. What's will all the broken glass?
GLORIA
We...don’t exactly know what we’re doing just yet.
MCGRATH
Lemme make this fast: Muldrake told us where we can bag the Admiral.
SKIP
He’s been broadcasting from a decommissioned nuclear power plant in Nome, Alaska. I’ve got the plant schematics right here.
BOWDEN
But if we’re not EMF anymore, this isn’t...strictly...legal, is it?
MCGRATH
It is not!
SKIP
Well...
MCGRATH
What would you call that, Skip? When you do a thing that isn’t, you know, legal?
GLORIA
Their security looks intense from these schematics. I can’t see us squirreling the Admiral out by ground or air.
SKIP
We won’t. We’ll be squirreling... from underwater!
GLORIA
That’s not how squirrels work.
ACTION MUSIC!
SKIP
Bowden, McGrath, and Joe will pose as maintenance workers and access the reactor room inside the compound. Meanwhile, Zelda will pilot a small speedboat through the nearby bay. When Joe opens the correct series of pipes, Gloria and I will slip through in SCUBA gear to the old spent reactor pool.
MCGRATH
Hope neither of you were planning on having children.
GLORIA
Oh, I
BOWDEN
Uh
GLORIA
Let’s, um, move on.
SKIP
We’ll capture the Admiral, drag him back through the pipes to the boat using a supplemental oxygen tank, and Zelda will outrace any Ocean Bureau craft that may be lurking in the area.
BOWDEN
Would you have any problems figuring out those pipes, Joe?
JOE THE PLUMBER
Oh, I could do it. Just one little problem.
SKIP
What’s that?
JOE THE PLUMBER
I won’t.
Joe COCKS A PISTOL! Everyone GASPS!
SKIP
Joe! What are you -
MCGRATH
Skip get away from him!
JOE THE PLUMBER
I don’t know why yous guys are fighting this. I saw the Admiral’s broadcast and I haven’t had a touch of PTSD since.
SKIP
Joe you don’t want to do this -
JOE THE PLUMBER
Sorry, Skip. Become one with the -
BOWDEN (as the Admiral)
Stand down, Joe!
JOE THE PLUMBER
What? Admiral?
BOWDEN
Now!
GLORIA
Hikeeba!
MCGRATH
Get down Skip!
Gloria and Zelda TACKLE JOE! McGrath GRABS SKIP!
ZELDA
Lock him in the closet!
They do. Joe pounds on the door for a moment, and then calms.
JOE THE PLUMBER
No problem. I can wait. Become one with the ocean.
SKIP
I’m so sorry everyone. I should have known that anybody might be an Oceanologist. Three of my siblings post nonstop on social media about becoming one with the ocean. Trip lives with dolphins now. Although that might not be brainwashing.
BOWDEN
They got my agent Gary, too.
GLORIA
Oh no! Gary?
BOWDEN
It’s like you always said, McGrath: that cult owns half of Hollywood. If you want to work in that town, you have to deal with them.
GLORIA
My Uncle Riley says he’s only sane one left at home.
ZELDA
The people stopping the EMF from being rebuilt are the people in government I used to trust the most. All right Skip, I’m in.
GLORIA
I’m in.
BOWDEN
One more time, Skip, okay? That’s all I’m promising.
SKIP
Thanks everyone, but...my plan hinged on Joe. I need someone who knows pipes and...we don’t have anyone with that skill set.
The bathroom door opens.
LANDLADY
Well, your talking toilet was crying by the time we finished with it!
LANDLORD
Score one against the electronic-plumbing-industrial complex!
ZELDA
Did...you...hear us out here?
LANDLORD
Not really. I think we heard that your friend was making some movie with Muriel Hemingway?
LANDLADY
We also heard all that stuff about breaking into a nuclear plant and kidnapping that Admiral guy.
SKIP
Dang.
LANDLORD
‘Bout time someone stuck it to those damn Oceanologists!
LANDLADY
Y’all are gonna go shut down that pirate who cuts off Rachel Ray every morning? Count me in!
LANDLORD
Me too!
MCGRATH
Skip, are we really gonna put our lives in the hands of our landlords-
SKIP
Welcome to the EMF, Mr. and Mrs. Hooper! Fill out these I-9s in triplicate!
MCGRATH
This is illegal activity, why are they filling out tax forms?
SKIP
I am not doing crimes without proper paperwork!
MCGRATH
You really don’t understand crimes, do you.
TRANSITION MUSIC.
INT. ABANDONED NUCLEAR FACILITY IN NOME, ALASKA
BOWDEN
Now don’t say anything.
MCGRATH
Relax, Bowden, no one’s stealing your cameo.
BOWDEN
I’m serious McGrath! I don’t want to be recognized!
MCGRATH
Did hell just freeze over?
SECURITY GUY
May I see your identification cards?
BOWDEN
Heya, we’re Davis Knox Pipe Fitters and Plumbery?
SECURITY GUY
And what is this...heavy machinery?
BOWDEN
Aw you know, it’s our industrial strength whatchamacallit, it uses forced air.
MCGRATH
We stick it up your intake and blow your pipes.
BOWDEN
Ha ha! Knock it off, apprentice!
SECURITY GUY
Do you really need this device? I have a problem with people sneaking past me using Trojan-horse-style ruses.
BOWDEN
Oh, uh, really? Who would -
SECURITY GUY
This looks big enough to fit two people. Just like that other time.
MCGRATH
Listen, you ever try to fit inside one of these things? Cause I have!
BOWDEN
Apprentice...
MCGRATH
Don’t believe me? Take a LOOK!
McGrath and Bowden toss Security Guy inside the machine and lock it. The landlord and landlady peek out from underneath.
LANDLADY
Well, waffles and pancakes that was close!
LANDLORD
Oh yeah!
LANDLADY
It’s a good thing we hid underneath and not inside it, huh?
LANDLORD
You know if they let me have a whack at it I could really upgrade their security system.
INTERIM MUSIC
EXT. BAY LAKE
SKIP
Ahhhh. Smell that fresh glacial breeze.
ZELDA
I smell elephant seal.
SKIP
Oh look! A herd of them! And...a pack of polar bears. And a narwhal?
GLORIA
Uhh...Skip? My GPS says we’re entering what was once Valerie Plame Wilson Nuclear Power Plant -
SKIP
Right!
GLORIA
...and is now Sarah Palin Big Game Wildlife Conservancy and Gunfitted Helicopter Shoppe.
ZELDA
Skip, did you research this site?
SKIP
Briefly. But I did have ten full filing cabinets to alphabetize.
ZELDA
You might want to rethink your priorities going forward.
SKIP
No! The handbook clearly details office organization, and I will follow those guidelines while I draw breath!
GLORIA
Draw breath.
SKIP
What? Ummph!
Gloria sticks a regulator in Skip’s mouth.
ZELDA
Make this fast, you two.
GLORIA
We’re going, Chief! Tallyho!
They dive overboard.
INTERIM MUSIC - BACK TO THE COMPOUND
Bowden and McGrath follow the Hoopers as they push the device through the corridors.
BOWDEN
This place reminds me of Paramount Studios: impossible to navigate, and they shoot trespassers.
MCGRATH
Don’t those Hollywood Oceanologists know you threw their cult leader off his own boat once?
BOWDEN
They think I’m “cleared”! I live in an Orwellian nightmare! I didn’t know becoming a celebrity meant I’d be under constant surveillance! Yes, okay, I heard that when I said it and I mean, that's ridiculous.
MCGRATH
If the movie biz was that dangerous, why didn’t you just go off and play A-Team with Gloria?
BOWDEN
I tried!
MCGRATH
Wait, what? You did?
BOWDEN
I contacted her after the debrief and told her I’d go anywhere with her, but she never called! You know, she asked me this strange question at the volcano lair, something about the team -
LANDLORD
Found it! This the reactor pool?
LANDLADY
You know, they could lay down tile in here and install a nice sauna!
They enter the chamber.
MCGRATH
Okay, that looks like a maintenance hallway. Hoopers, go open the pipes for Skip and Gloria.
LANDLADY
Yes, m'am, Captain, m'am!
They head down the hallway.
BOWDEN
Wait. What are those rods in the pool? I thought Skip said this plant was decommissioned! My hair! My sperm!
MCGRATH
Will you relax? They’re silicon rods. Attached to the old control assembly. They look like - hide!
They hide. Footsteps enter the room.
ADMIRAL
Well well! Our MODEL-X machine is a magnificent feat of engineering!
LUCKY
You said it, boss!
BOWDEN (whispering)
It’s the Admiral and Lucky Lessmacher!
MCGRATH
Our least favorite people on earth -
LEX
Like, make yourself at home, Grampa Ocean?
BALTHAZAR
I, for one, am exuberantly anticipating this demonstration of our quartet’s power.
BOWDEN AND MCGRATH
Spoke too soon.
LUCKY
Here’s the prisoner, Admiral sir!
ADMIRAL
And how are we feeling after six months in the Hole of Introspection, Kristatos?
KRISTATOS
Remove these shackles, Fletcher, and find out.
MCGRATH
Kristatos O’Brien?
BOWDEN
They must have kept him prisoner since they escaped the island!
MCGRATH
Skip had better get his ass down here fast.
TRANSITION MUSIC.
The deep sound of water.
SKIP
Gloria? Are your comms working?
GLORIA
I read you. I’m at the intake pipe.
(on the radio)
Mister and Mrs. Hooper? Open the intake pipe hatch!
LANDLORD (ON COMMS)
Certainly, young lady! Here goes.
The hatch opens.
GLORIA
Good. All right, let’s WHOA!
Suddenly, a SWOOSH and GROAN!
SKIP
Look out for the elephant seal Gloria!
GLORIA
Gah! It went right down the pipe! How are we supposed to swim through these pipes with a big blubbery -
SKIP
Incoming!
GLORIA
JEEZ. Skip! You have to stop those elephant seals!
SKIP
Look out for the polar bear!
GLORIA
Oh forget it, I’ll scare them out of there with my flare gun.
SKIP
You can’t!
GLORIA
What? Why?
SKIP
EMF agents are not allowed to interfere with the migratory patterns of endangered species!
GLORIA
WH - fine. We’ll just work our way through these pipes surrounded by half the animal kingdom. Let’s go.
SKIP
Look out for the -
GLORIA
AAAAA
SKIP
sea turtle. Coming!
INTERIM MUSIC
INT. OLD NUCLEAR REACTOR CHAMBER
ADMIRAL
You see, Kristatos, our first mental clarifier that we tested back on your potato tanker had no range. The broadcast version only reached those who were watching.
KRISTATOS
And this monstrosity will outdo them both, I suppose.
ADMIRAL
No visual medium necessary! We’ll simply flood the air with mind-altering waves, and the entire Earth will be illuminated! O righteous day! Mister Montcrief, I see, has chosen to commemorate it by wearing a Roman-style war helm!
BALTHAZAR
It’s not a war helmet, it’s a lead helmet! I have no intention of spending my life discussing the ocean with Ed Asner!
LUCKY
You’re just like that guy in the Bugs Bunny cartoon!
(sings)
Spear and magic helmet!
BALTHAZAR
SHUT UP.
Behind a stack of crates, McGrath and Bowden listen in.
MCGRATH (Typing)
I’m in their mainframe, but I can’t find this MODEL-X thing. Lex has the only terminal, and she never takes her eyes off it - wait! Those rods! They’re the MODEL-X!
BOWDEN
What?
MCGRATH
Lex built a distributed quantum computer! The pool is acting as a coolant tank, the rods serve as parallel processors, and the whole thing can do calculations faster than any computer on earth!
BOWDEN
You have to stop it!
MCGRATH
We gotta get down to the pool.
Bowden gets on the radio as they sneak to the water’s edge.
BOWDEN
Hoopers? Patch me through to Gloria.
LANDLADY
Here you go!
An ELEPHANT SEAL GRUNTS IN THE MIC.
BOWDEN AND MCGRATH
D’ah!
LANDLADY
And we fixed your comms so you can hear better!
MCGRATH
It sounds like a dying walrus!
GLORIA (ON THE RADIO)
It’s a sea lion!
BOWDEN
What?
GLORIA (ON THE RADIO)
Just...what’s your status?
BOWDEN
You’d better get in here fast, they’re trying to green light a sequel to the island wedding tape!
GLORIA
(sighs) Fantastic. I’ll tell Skip.
BOWDEN
Oh and Gloria I -
Click. Bowden sighs sadly.
MCGRATH
At least Skip won’t have to enforce the EMF no-agents-making-gross-sex-noises-in-front-of-the-team rule.
BOWDEN (stung, furious)
Oh for god’s sakes, is there no circuit between your brain and your mouth, or are you just a complete sociopath?
MCGRATH
Whoa, what? Bowden, you know me, it’s just how I talk to my friends.
BOWDEN
It’s not how normal people treat each other, McGrath! I work in a town where every quote unquote friend I have is a phony and a cultist, and they STILL treat me better than you do.
MCGRATH
Well maybe I should just let the MODEL-X go off and then we can all kiss your ass forever!
BOWDEN
I must have been brainwashed to believe anyone actually wanted me back here!
MCGRATH
Then just leave, Bowden! Go back to Hollywood and be with your real fr-
AN ELECTRIC SURGE. Pylons begin to emerge from the water. Bowden grabs McGrath and pulls her back in the nick of time.
BOWDEN
Watch out McGrath I got you! Those things are electrified!
McGrath and Bowden recover. Awkward silence.
BOWDEN
Are you all right?
MCGRATH
Fine. I guess your stunt training in Speed 3 paid off. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. You...you know I’d go to the wall for you, right?
BOWDEN
I know. I’m sorry too. And there’s nothing wrong with you. I’d take a hundred Mackenzie McGraths over anyone in Hollywood.
MCGRATH
Well. I don’t think I can get to the pool without them noticing us now. So we better think of something, or I’ll see you at Oceanology church.
INTERIM MUSIC.
INT. PIPES
Skip and Gloria push their way through the pipes, fending off a pack of sea animals.
GLORIA
Are you - ugh! - sure this is the - ow! - right way? Ugh! Get away from me, you blubbery maniac!
SKIP
Gloria, please stop angering the elephant seals!
GLORIA
ELEPHANT SEALS ARE THE ANGRIEST SEALS. HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING FROM DAVID ATTENBOROUGH? This must be what Mackenzie was complaining about that time you made her crawl through half a window.
SKIP
That was done in accordance with international law!
GLORIA
How many times in the last few years we’ve known each other have you bent or broken the rules?
SKIP
Four! And each transgression is seared into my memory!
GLORIA
Skip, you need a therapist.
SKIP
I know. I can’t find a new one who meets handbook guidelines for witness-protected agents.
GLORIA
SKIP! The EMF is gone! You are the EMF now! You get to make the rules!
SKIP
That’s why it’s more important than ever to stick to procedure! If not me, then who? I will not jeopardize this mission by playing fast-and-loose with protocol!
GLORIA
HOW IS LETTING MARINE WILDLIFE RUN RAMPANT NOT JEOPARDIZING THIS MISSION?
SKIP
I’m afraid your time working with Quinn and Jambo has corrupted you.
GLORIA
I think isolation and Uber-driving hasn’t done you any favors, either!
SKIP
Quinn is just like her mentor Chet Phillips.
GLORIA
Why, because she gets the job done?
SKIP
Chet was a rule-breaker and a loose cannon and he got himself killed! Is that what Quinn’s teaching you?
GLORIA
Quinn taught me that if you don’t have to answer to an outdated, labyrinthine bureaucracy then you don’t end up STUCK IN A PIPE WITH A HERD OF ELEPHANT SEALS.
Standoff. Then a burst of radio static.
LANDLADY (ON COMMS)
Hello there! We know you gave us these schematics, but we figured out a faster route for y’all!
LANDLORD (ON COMMS)
You two coming or what?
GLORIA
Well, Agent Granger? Are we going? I guess being on your team means I’m just supposed to follow orders.
SKIP
...all right Mister and Mrs. Hooper. Tell McGrath and Bowden...I’m changing the plan.
INTERIM MUSIC.
INT. SPENT FUEL POOL CHAMBER
LEX
Pylons are like, activated?
LUCKY
The satellite dish is powered up and ready to broadcast, sir!
ADMIRAL
Excellent! Ready to become one with the ocean, Kristatos?
KRISTATOS
I’d rather spit in your face.
BALTHAZAR
You’ll change your tune soon enough, old man, once the world is groveling at our feet.
SKIP
I don’t think so.
GASPS! Skip stands alone, on the platform below them.
LUCKY
Look!
BALTHAZAR
Down there on the maintenance platform!
ADMIRAL
What a surprise! Skip Granger! And where are your friends?
LUCKY
The system says he’s the only unaccounted-for heat signature.
SKIP
I told them to go. If they couldn’t follow protocols...then I wouldn’t be responsible for their safety.
BALTHAZAR
He’s lying! How do we know he didn’t, as the kids say, “hack that dope security deep web”?
LEX
Nailed it.
ADMIRAL
Don’t be absurd, my award-winning friend! Skip Granger’s mind like is an open book to me!
SKIP
Well, I mean...
ADMIRAL
You can see it on his face: he is utterly alone, and he knows it.
SKIP
Nevertheless, if I have to fight all four of you on my own, so be it! For the EMF!
Skip JUMPS to climb up to their platform. He can’t quite make it. He tries a few times. It’s pretty sad.
SKIP
Um. I can’t quite reach that platform you’re standing on, can you...maybe give me a hand?
MODEL-X
Signal computed. Ready for broadcast.
LEX
We’re like, ready, Admiral?
LUCKY
I’m so excited!
BALTHAZAR
Wait, let me double-check my lead-lined helmet -
ADMIRAL
Behold my victory, Skip Granger -
SKIP
No wait!
ADMIRAL
And become one with the ocean!
The Admiral THROWS THE SWITCH! A lot of beeps and boops.
ADMIRAL
Miss Hammond, those computer sounds are far too anticlimactic. Work on that for the next upgrade!
LEX
Uhhhh hey idiot lady? Why isn’t the MODEL-X talking to the radar dish?
LUCKY
Huh. The readout says we’re just spamming Facebook with pictures of Bernie Sanders in mittens.
LEX
Ew, that meme reached total saturation like two days after it started?
ADMIRAL
Fix it! Send the signal!
BALTHAZAR
I told you Granger was up to something!
ADMIRAL
Impossible! Skip Granger could never deceive my piercing powers of perception!
SKIP
You’re right, Admiral. Skip’s a terrible liar. But I -
“Skip” tears off his SnapFace mask!
BOWDEN
...just needed to distract you.
BALTHAZAR
BOWDEN!
LEX
It’s, like, the real Lord Nero!
BALTHAZAR
YOU TAKE THAT BACK.
ADMIRAL
A foolish and egotistical move, Bowden Montcrief, revealing your identity to me, when you could have simply -
BOWDEN
Still distracting you.
ADMIRAL
What?
THE COMPUTER SLOWLY SHUTS DOWN
MCGRATH (ON THE PA)
Sorry Lex. Maybe you can use your quantum-machine to play Pong.
LEX
AAAAH! It’s like the ghost of that old lady I killed with a two by four!
MCGRATH (ON THE RADIO)
I’m twenty-nine and I’m on the PA system.
ADMIRAL
Attention! We have a breach! Bowden Montcrief, Mackenzie McGrath, and...I’m very sorry who are you?
LANDLORD
We’re the plumbers! We upgraded your pipes! Show ‘im!
LANDLADY
This is for Rachel Ray!
The PIPES OPEN! The VILLAINS ARE HOSED BY THOUSANDS OF GALLONS OF WATER!
ADMIRAL
Nay insurgents! You shall not defeat me with mine own natural element! I control the very chemical bonds of H two AAAH AN ELEPHANT SEAL
An ANGRY ELEPHANT SEAL CRASHES INTO THE ADMIRAL! SKIP and GLORIA, riding ELEPHANT SEALS, lead an ARMADA of MARINE LIFE INTO THE CHAMBER!
SKIP
Giddyup, Horace!
GLORIA
Sick ‘em, Daisy Junior!
BOWDEN
Did you two saddle-break elephant seals on your way in here?
MCGRATH (ON THE PA)
Best crimes ever!
SKIP
Hello Admiral! Sorry for my lack of punctuality! Get him Horace!
Skip rides his elephant seal into battle against the Admiral! Gloria dismounts and charges!
GLORIA
I’m coming Skip - UGH!
LUCKY
Heya sister! Haven’t seen you since the wedding!
They fight!
GLORIA
Wow I must say you’re surprisingly well trained in the ancient art of Irish-stick fighting.
LUCKY
Thanks! My dad says I got my mother’s brains and ability to throw furniture at people! Hikeeba!
Balthazar slams Bowden against the wall and chokes him!
BALTHAZAR
How’s your Richard the Second, brother? Let’s talk of graves, of worms, and epitaphs: yours.
BOWDEN
I prefer A Winter’s Tale: exit pursued by a bear!
BALTHAZAR
What bear? AAHHH!
A polar bear ROARS and CHASES BALTHAZAR away!
BOWDEN
To a nunnery, Balthazar, go!
KRISTATOS is getting HOSED while still TIED TO A CHAIR.
KRISTATOS
Ah. Little help? Getting rather drenched here.
LANDLADY
Always ready to help!
She cuts his bonds.
KRISTATOS
Ahh! Thank you, weird stranger!
LANDLADY
You’re Uncle Kris, aren’t you? From O’Brien’s Krispy Tots? Love those taters!
KRISTATOS
I am flattered, fan woman, but perhaps you could hurry this up.
LANDLADY
There! Head for the hills, Uncle Kris! Don’t look back! Run free!
Kristatos runs!
Lex FURIOUSLY TYPES on her keyboard.
LEX
Okay, dead grandma, override this.
MCGRATH (ON THE PA)
You got talent, kiddo, but watch how a master operates.
LEX
You think I can’t keep up with you? You’re just switching the pylon polarization from north to south - then north east - south west - wait...are you using my quantum pylons to physically play Pong?
MCGRATH
You been punked, punk. Hahahaha!
LEX
UGGGGGH
Skip fights the Admiral!
ADMIRAL
Now this is combat at its finest! Come, brave knight! Joust me!
The Admiral PUNCHES the elephant seal!
SKIP
Oof! Oh no Horace!
ADMIRAL
You have nothing left, Skip Granger. Your friends will fall. My quantum computer will be rebooted. And you will hear its siren song.
SKIP
The computer...the computer! Hah!
He leaps away from the Admiral! He grabs a valve and twists!
ADMIRAL
Come now sir! Do you truly believe you can thwart me with more water?
SKIP
No...less!
He TURNS THE VALVE! THE WATER DRAINS! A KLAXON WHOOPS!
MODEL-X
Warning. Coolant level critical
ADMIRAL
NO!
SKIP
McGrath, power surge now!
A SPARK, AND BOOOOOM! The PYLONS RUPTURE!
ADMIRAL
MY BEAUTIFUL MACHINE! Damn you Skip Granger! Retreat!
The villains start to run!
SKIP
Gloria! The Admiral is getting away! We have to get him now or -
The CLICK of a gun!
LEX
Like, freeze?
GLORIA
Look out Skip, she’s got a gun!
LEX
Sorry, senior citizens. You’ll never catch him now. So security’s, like, swarming down here? You’re gonna - ugh!
McGrath CRACKS Lex over the head with a 2x4.
MCGRATH
Payback’s a bitch, kid.
INTERIM MUSIC.
INT. BACK AT SKIP AND MCGRATH’S APARTMENT
Bowden and McGrath sit at the table.
MCGRATH
So we didn’t get the Admiral, but at least without Lex, he can’t rebuild his MODEL-X.
BOWDEN
And...Doctor Legrange is keeping Lex and Joe at her new unlicensed veterinary clinic?
MCGRATH
She’s gonna try to deprogram them. She wanted to put them in the monkey cages, but Skip pulled “protocol” and “ethics violations” on her.
BOWDEN
Well, keep me in the loop. I might be a little busy with script offers, but...I’ll be here.
MCGRATH
I thought fifty percent of Hollywood was run by Oceanologists who want you dead now.
BOWDEN
Yes. But fifty percent aren’t.
MCGRATH
...hey Bowden. You should talk to Gloria.
BOWDEN
Heh. Remember when you threatened to sick a spider robot on me if I didn’t stay away from her?
MCGRATH
I said “if you hurt her”.
BOWDEN
I’m not sure that’s possible anymore.
MCGRATH
She’s not that different, you know.
BOWDEN
She’s always different. That’s what makes her the best of us.
The door opens.
SKIP
It’ll be good to have you back, Gloria.
GLORIA
I have to contact Quinn and Jambo, tell them I’ll be sticking around.
ZELDA
Let me know if you need help creating an alias.
GLORIA
Maybe I could be the owner of an art gallery so exclusive that no one knows where it is!
SKIP
Team, you all helped to save the world yet again.
ZELDA
Despite all odds against it.
BOWDEN
Anytime, Skip.
GLORIA
You can count on us.
MCGRATH
Hey, I got no choice, I live here.
SKIP
All that’s left of the EMF now, is...us. Here, Gloria.
GLORIA
The handbook? You want me to keep it?
SKIP
...I want you to burn it.
GLORIA
What?
MCGRATH
Seriously?
SKIP
It’s time to stop following rules of a dead organization. It’s time to make a new one.
BOWDEN
And what do we make it?
MCGRATH
Whatever we want.
GLORIA
Whatever we want.
ZELDA
So, Skip...you’ll take charge of creating missions based on the intel that this Reynard Muldrake continues to supply you with?
SKIP
I mean...I don’t know that I’d call them “missions”.
MCGRATH
Oh? What would you call them, Skip?
SKIP
Let’s call them...”crimes”.
END THEME.
MISSION VOICE
Mission Rejected was created by Pete Barry, J. Michael DeAngelis and John Dowgin. This episode was written and directed by Pete Barry.
It starred Chris Klaniecki as Skip Granger, Nazli Sarpkaya as Mackenzie McGrath, Dave Stanger as Bowden Montcrief, Paige Klaniecki as Gloria Kovak, Faith Dowgin as Section Chief Zelda Anders, with Kirk White as Chet Phillips and Kevin McGrath as The Mission Voice
Also Starring Ashley Banks as Athena O'Brien, Jean Barry as Quinn Corrino, Jill Ivey as Lex Hammond, and Bob Killion as Archie Grant, Security Guy, Jambo, and The Admiral.
Guest Starring J. Michael DeAngelis as Agent Stokes, Rebecca Serfass as Lucky, Eric Werner as Balthazar Montcrief, David S. Dear as Caterer S. Dear, Mylene Kerschner as Lilith Frank, John Dowgin as Joe the Plumber and Pete Barry as Kristatos O'Brien and, I can not stress this enough, he wrote himself in as, the toilet.
Music, sound editing and mixing by Pete Barry. Lyrics by J. Michael DeAngelis.
Want to chat about this episode with other Mission Rejected fans or mingle with the cast and crew? Join the conversation in our Discord server! Follow the link in our show notes to join.
This has been a Porch Room production copyright 2021 Extraordinary Missions Limited.
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING
The Hoopers walk down the hallway with Skip.
LANDLORD
...and stay out of the boiler room, cause hoo dog, there’s a smell we’re still trying to identify.
SKIP
Mr. and Mrs. Hooper, I cannot thank you enough, and I cannot stress enough - going forward, you can’t say anything about anything we do to anyone. Especially not the embarrassing parts.
MCGRATH (OFF)
Skip! I need a Mugman!
SKIP
Coming Cupehead!
LANDLADY
Don’t worry about us, son! We know how to keep a secret.
SKIP
Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Hooper! Thank you so much. Thank you thank you thank you...
Skip runs back to his apartment and shuts the door.
LANDLORD
You think they bought it?
LANDLADY
Oh well now...
The Landlady CLEARS HER THROAT and pulls off her mask, revealing that she is...
ATHENA
...those morons have no idea. Take that thing off.
The landlord pulls off his mask as well.
CHET
Yes, “dear”.
ATHENA
Now turn on that goddamn boiler communicator.
Chet twiddles some dials, and a deep voice emanates from the flames:
REYNARD MULDRAKE
New phone. Who dis?
ATHENA
We did what you told us to, Muldrake, now where’s my dad?
REYNARD MULDRAKE
Your father is safe in my custody, “Mrs. Hooper”.
ATHENA
I didn’t get him out of the Admiral’s clutches just to put him in yours! And I didn’t agree to a new life as “Mrs. Hooper”!
CHET
It’s no picnic for me, either, sweetheart!
ATHENA
Who asked you?
REYNARD MULDRAKE
You can always walk away. Half of the population wants you dead for betraying the Admiral, and the other half wants you dead for helping him rise to power. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of friends to turn to.
CHET
...fine. What’s next?
REYNARD MULDRAKE
Granger and company continue the fight to bring down the Admiral.
CHET
What about us?
REYNARD MULDRAKE
You? No, you’re too unpredictable. You just keep Granger hidden and you keep out of my way.
CHET
Wait, hang on Muldrake! I hate the Admiral more than anyone on Earth and I’m a force to be reckoned with. Forget Granger, point me at the Admiral and watch me go!
REYNARD MULDRAKE
Hmm...how do I put this, Chet... rejected.
BANG! The communicator explodes.
ATHENA
Welp. Better get to fixing that boiler, Mister Hooper.
Chet GROWLS IN ANGER and SLAMS HIS FISTS AGAINST THE BOILER.
END MUSIC!